Pissed off old lady

Three weeks ago I moved into my new condo. I have no mailbox key. No mail. Maybe it is sitting in the box doing a happy dance. ? The condo association tells me it isn't their business. They claim it is illegal for them to have a key. Against the law, she said. The Post Office claims it isn't a public mailbox. The original owner , at closing. tells the listing agent it was a messy divorce and she does not have mail box key. I call a locksmith. I can have my mailbox re keyed for 70 dollars. I do it.

Mail delivery sure has changed over time. Never had a mailbox key ten years ago. Had a normal mailbox. One that open and shut. I guess people steal a lot more nowadays?

I bought a bed in a box at Wal Mart. I couldn't carry the box into the house-it was too heavy. I took the wood out and carried it in a little at a time. In the process of moving the directions have gotten lost. I e-mailed Wal Mart. Two days later my answer-send us a copy of your receipt, where you bought it, and your name and address.

Fuck.I didn't keep the receipt. I just want a copy of the fucking directions.I went to Mal Mart-tempted to open the box and take the directions.

Went to customer service.

Asked for help.

Paged stock.

Never answered.

Sorry, she said, maybe if you walk back to stock you can find someone to help you.

Walked back to stock. No one could help me.

One guy showed me his name tag, "it says sales-he said. I can't help you.

Do you, readers, know what old lady rage is?

I am 53 years old. Maybe I qualify for old lady rage now.You know, the type of person you see in the store, that lady who is pissed and everyone turns away because they think, "just another old lady bitch.."

As I age I notice I have to work twice as hard to obtain assistance. I am not the cute little size three chic I was in 1980. Or even 1990. I am a middle aged woman who is starting to feel a little pissed at the incompetence out in the world.

My money is good. My service should be just as good.

I received a call from my insurance company on a Saturday night.

Progressive Insurance.

Please call 1800- and enter this number to receive an important message.

I call. "Your driver's license is from another state. Please call to verify.

I call.

Your birth date please.

Your drivers license number

What? I am going to give them more personal information?

I tell them I will look up their number on my policy and call them back.

I find out they have a drivers license number from Florida-where I lived 8 YEARS AGO.They do not have my Nevada license and they have been insuring me in Nevada for eight years.

I have had two accidents(not my fault) they have billed me for eight years. And they don't know why they still have me as a Florida driver.

They ask me-did you change it? I say, yes. I had to. I couldn't keep driving on an out of state license-in Nevada it is against the law and I could be fined.

Where does all this incompetence come from?

I am starting to become one pissed off lady.

A Smile or a laugh

Depression and Anxiety-one helleva cocktail

Next week we begin our State tests. I have this rock in the pit of my stomach. Maybe I have five students who will pass. I hope others can understand enough of it to do adequately but in reality, I am dreaming.

I have known this since the second week of school. Most of the kids reading and math levels were overinflated by last years teachers. My kids didn't know the basics in mathematics and the comprehension levels for reading were very low.

So much rides on this one stupid test and I don't want my kids to worry about it. I don't want them to believe they are failures when they are only eight year old kids. Why do we do this to our children?

I have told them I only want them to do their best work and not worry about it-no one I know has a clue of what they want to do when they are eight. Let them be kids a little longer. They will get all of this eventually-they are smart, just less prepared than they should have been. I also have two more months to keep working with them, and it will be easier with the pressure off .

This year has changed me. I feel bad inside about everything. I feel as if I am letting so many people down. I feel as if I can't keep up and I struggle wih feeling any joy in life.

I cherish feeling peace. I keep drawing further and further away from people. I feel safer at home, as if I don't have contact with the rest of the world I can't screw up.

I don't want to keep living like this. I need to do something to change this trajectory. I miss laughing. I miss feeling passionate about life and my work. I miss relishing each day.

I need to figure a way out of this.