Yet it had it's drawbacks. All that independance encouraged us to spend that alone time fleeing any or all parts of relationships which felt uncomfortable. Don't like intimate conversations? Go home. Want to avoid dealing with a crisis? Stay home and send flowers.
I know one man when dating, refused to take women to his home. He would spend the night at women's houses but avoided giving his address or inviting women into his space.
Throughout the eighties and nineties, sending mom or dad to a nursing home to die was considered the norm. Middle class families didn't have time to care for the elderly. Careers were too important. Culturally this norm was acceptable.
Single parents living alone with their children suffered the cultural norms. Living alone with children, without support, many women lost jobs when children got sick, the car wouldn't start, an emergency came up.
I remember when my daughter got the chicken pox. I worked at a hospital which provided sick care to employee's kids. Chicken pox wasn't on the list of approved illness. It usually takes a week to recover. My employers weren't very understanding and asked, "Isn't there a grandparent or relative to watch your child?"
Living in Las Vegas and teaching school on the east side I discovered my Hispanic students and families secret strength. Relatives shared living space. More than one family lived together. Families had more money. Newer cars. Kids went to school with their cousins. Families celebrated holidays in large groups. If a child was sick, more than one adult was available to help.
I moved to Florida hoping to have that kind of environment for my daughter although she was in her last year of high school. Her dad lived three miles away. I had hoped we would be a family together.
Unfortunately we all make choices. One major issue in family living is committment. If everyone isn't comitted to working together for the good of the group, it doesn't work. It didn't work out. Too much damage to our daughter to stay and try and make it work.
Friends of mine, who struggle with the same issue of living alone and trying to make it believe the same thing I do-we can improve our quality of life by pooling our resources and our friendship. Yes, we know it isn't a panacea. Yet, as many other cultures around the world know, the strength in numbers, income and emotional support outweighs the desire for total privacy.
With three wage earners and two potential wage earners, we are going to rent a home larger than any of us could afford separately. We will pool our resources, divvy up the chores, sacrifice a little privacy while still having separate bedrooms and realize the benefits of having "extended family"-the knowledge we are never alone in this world, and we all contribute to this sense of support.
We all came from large limited income families. We know and remember the importance of qualities such as "sharing", compromise", "tolerance" and "loyalty.
We also remember it was never easy, but then, believe it or not, man/woman wasn't meant to live alone, in isolation, without human interaction.
Somehow, somewhere along the way, the United States has developed a culture of isolated humanity. It seems to make it esier to ignore the homeless, the poor, the sick, the out of work, those who just aren't strong enough to make it alone.
