I have a new grandson. He shed his newborn old man look and is slowly transforming into a chubby little baby with dimples. He has my crooked smile, my daughter's pretty face and his dad's ears.
The first thing he learned to do was smile.
Nature does that for a reason. Babies require so much time and work, if they didn't smile, it could be a little hard to keep going.
I just finished the 3:30 feeding and it is almost 6:30. He's a gourmet feeder-liked to try a little, smile and coo, eat a little more, smile and coo, gaze around the room, taste a little more.
I'm glad he already likes the finer things in life.
My daughter will be 18 in 5 months. She sat with me last night and told me taking care of a baby is the hardest thing she has ever done. She is exhausted and it shows. The pregnancy wasn't wasy but all the time she was pregnant I kept reminding her this was the easy part.
I raised my daughter by myself. Oh, her dad came to visit her and he has always been good about child support generous with her if she needed other things.
Bu the knew he did not want to be a full time parent at the stage in his life when I became pregnant. I definitely wasn't "the one" so that left me with a decision to make.
When I decided to keep my daughter, I was thirty nine. I had a son graduating from high school.
Raising her was never easy, but my love for her is steadfast, always there, she knows this.
For her motherhood is a huge, huge responsibility. She no longer feels connected to her friends. She is too tired to hang out. She feels isolated at home. One day she told me the hardest day is Monday when we all go back to work.
Motherhood comes in all sizes. From teen age to middle age, middle class to poor, motherhood stands, hung with expectations, traditions and assumptions.
Some things never change. woman bear children and bear the responsibility for them as well. The occasional bottle feeding, diaper changing and "willing to help out when asked" is about the limit for men.
Women spend thousands of hours caring for children. Over the past 50 years women have not only continued this job, they have taken on the additional role of breadwinner often alone, with a mate, it means triple the work.
My daughter and I talked frankly about motherhood. So I am going to say the words women never say out loud for fear they will be condemned as not only horrible mothers (omg!) but terrible human beings.
1. Motherhood is a thankless job at times. The demands can suck the life out of a woman and the only thing really motivating her is the need for sleep! Oh what sweet sleep five or more hours can be to a woman sleep deprived, exhausted and feeling terribly hormonal. Of course, men have to go to work, so they can't possibly awaken to take on all three night feedings. Many women are alone and have no choice.
As a society we all know what sleep deprivation feels like. Light headed-dizzy, spots before the eyes, dry skin, heavy limbs, zombie like brain.
Most of us know we can make it through one day-and then sleep for 12 hours.
New moms get no break. Constant sleep deprivation.
2. The rewards are intrinsic-great. Everyone tells you the rewards are intrinsic, society is so intent on sending the message to woman being a good mom means love it or your horrible-but the rewards are sparse, actually, and the love one has for a child has little to do with the actual chores of parenting. Yes, we love our kids. No we don't like being tethered to a human being with needs so great is controls the entire household. Yes, it is thrilling to see the changes, the first smile, the first step, no it isn't grand to work all day and be up with a crabby baby all night, and then go to work again.
Reality is-a baby needs the care of at least three full time caretakers.
Who invented the rule that the mom is responsible for triple duty?
3. Money IS everything. Money provides women more choices. It is the differences between a caretaker one worries about each day and a sense of security. Money provides respite care for mom. Money allows women choices about the level of work required outside of the home.
Money also provides choice. Poor women receiving cash assistance from any state in the US is required to place their child in day care 8 hours a day five days a week and do SOMETHING-even if it is cleaning up trash at the county dump 40 hours per week. Poor woman cannot stay home and raise their kids in infancy-at six weeks they are required to place their kids.
Money talks.
4. Have men become worthless to the woman who does it all?
"Helping out" ? Why do woman still accept this? Men should share equally in the child rearing process. Woman are equal partners in the work world. In today's world, I would not have a child unless I had a commitment from my spouse to provide equal care for our child. If he reneged, I would divorce him.
Seriously. I would be doing all the work anyway, so why keep him around?
5. The above observations do not cancel out the fact my grandson is cute, he has a great smile, and he is hungry again..:}
