Caution! We test, We Twitter, Those Sweet Old G'ma Days? Over!

Looking for a little common sense amongst all those pompous, blow hard media types?
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Friday, August 04, 2006


My horoscope tells me not to start any new relationships today.

Well, it is Friday and I suppose I can just wait one more day to go out into the world and grab someone in the grocery store, or at the mall-to be my new best friend.

Growing up in an Italian family of eight children alone time was rare. Exceptionally rare. We shared -crossed boundaries and had no idea what it meant to be "quiet and at peace" although I knew on some level this constant erosion of noise into my brain had to be unhealthy...

We slept two to a bed. Shared the tub in twos-wore each others clothes depending on where one was in the line of inheritance-(my older sister got the new clothes-my youngest sister???-poor baby

We rode two on a bike-shared sleds-baseball mitts-ice skates-and even candy bars.

Sharing was not just a "nice" thing one learned "to do" to have people like you-

it was an imperial order from the parents as a matter of survival-

and no one complained-although we did learn to hide a few things we didn't want to share.

Each of us was different in how we felt and acted upon sharing-

My older sister was the tormentor-
if we had to share a candy bar-she was always the one who waited-a long time-
after we had all enjoyed ours-
to take out hers and eat it in front of everyone-days after the treat was disbursed-
just to torture us-watching her slowly eat her half, bite by bite-as an actor-knowing how to draw out the moment-
savoring and embellishing the actual reality-
of half a stale candy bar.

I was at the opposite end of the spectrum. Whatever was mine-which was virtually nil-was yours.
I knew I had no control over what I owned as a kid-so why be so possessive about it?

If it did you some better-why-go ahead and use it.

Want to use my skates? So did I? Let's go together and split the time.
Want half of my half?
Oh-all right-if it makes you happy...

Want to use my sweater-make-up-book-art set-new lipstick-go ahead..

In retrospect-the environment was an ideal breeding ground for codependance-martyrdom and a sense of few boundries-
as well as a developmental arena for an individual easily identified and taken by predators.

Even then, I fearlessly moved on-believing the next person would not do that-
would "share fair", demonstrate understanding and trust-show faith and loyalty-and believe in the goodness of others..

WC Fields once said something to the effect that there is a sucker in every crowd...

I suppose I am one of them.

As much as I have learned to be a little more circumspect in my judgements of human behaviors
I still believe that being true to myself means sharing, being fair and just and hoping others will as well.

Do you think that kind of attitude goes far in the world today??

Grief? Loss? Or Growth?


Warnings for water and air quality?
Living within 12 inches from my neighbors window?
Gated communities?
Amberalerts?
Bottled water
Playdates obese children?-
No recess -need more time for kids to "learn" play is not productive??!
Automobile prices at 30,000?
Houses at an average of 300,000?
Home invasions
United States as a symbol of lack of freedom?
As a symbol of aggression?
Eminent domain for business office parks , shopping malls and parking structures?
Invasion of privacy as in what books do I read, what numbers do I call on my cell phone, what transactions do I make from my bank account-my travels and whereabouts?
No butane lighter or even a nail file in my purse when I fly?
Bring your own food on airlines?
Bird flu???
Mad Cow disease?
Warnings about mercury in fish?
Oil is still a problem after the 1970 embargo and the impact it made in our country?
Global Warming as a reality
Water shortages and drought

I am old enough to feel the pain of the changes in our world -some small-some large

What really troubles my heart?
Feeling this crushing weight of political corruption and corporate greed -with no concern for the future of our kids and all humans

With increasing population, somehow, we seem to think it's all about getting ours-whatever that means
it just makes me sick inside-sick inside and sad.

Saturday, July 22, 2006




Sometimes clowns make me feel a little uncomfortable.
Amidst the buffoonery, silliness, and cavorting, I always wonder -what is it about the art of clowning that entices grown men(and women) to do such a thing?? -and is there really an evil motive in some twisted mind-lurking in the group????

Just a thought...

Bush didn't learn in grammer school---keep your hands and feet to your self!!


What is this???

I mean-honestly--between the inane comments , swearing -and the back rub-have we Americans lost our minds???

Didn't Dick or Karl prep him before he went "a visitin" the world's leaders??

Doesn't this little strip of pictures make you want to cringe??

No?

That makes it twice as scary for me....

Thursday, July 20, 2006

When did Teachers become the enemy????


There is something magical about my profession.
Each day I walk into a room surrounded by 24 wriggling little bodies full of ideas, hopes and wonder.

Not one of my 8 year old students start the day by remembering they live in poverty.
The boy whose mother stabbed her boyfriend last Christmas and ended in jail and now lives in child haven, the girl whose father was just deported to Mexico, the girl whose mother's boyfriend spends his time telling her how much he hates her father, the girl who tells me her family never has enough food in the house-all these children in my classroom-and I feel so incredibly honored to open the doors of their minds-

Watching them learn-working together to figure out the universe, how things work, what makes an equation-why a number works just so-

is an amazing amazing process....

this morning I read the editorial of the Las Vegas Review Journal-

once again trashing the National Education Association's platform from the annual convention.

With disgust and patronize the NEA is accused of trying to take over the world via your child's mind.

Accusations of "poisoning minds with a gay-liberal-diversity-sex education agenda--
for lines and lines it went on about how teachers are poisoning the minds of school children.

Ironically it is these writers who have benefitted from us ultra liberal lefty teachers who opened the world of critical thinking and analysis in their educational endeavors throughout the years.

Anyone who tells you teachers taught them nothing fool themselves-if only because they learned to use that mind in an organized manner-something the random little child learns to do in a structured setting such as school.

I asked myself about all the accusations as I read them-how does this fit into my classroom?

Do I teach diversity?
Let's see-90% of my kids family's are from Mexico-I have Native American, African-American, Asian and two Caucasian children in the classroom.

Each child contributes a set of family values, religious beliefs and rich cultural heritages. Bias, prejudice, sexism, and racism contribute- to the mix as well. I can hear grown-ups at times in these little voices.

Do I teach tolerance? Yes, I do

I teach tolerance and acceptance for the two students in my class who are autistic and need extra guidance, I teach acceptance for the little boy with the odd behaviors who doesn't seem to quite get the meaning of "acceptable behavior: I teach tolerance for the boy who comes to school dirty every day and needs to wash up in the restroom-

I teach acceptance for the slow readers and the struggling mathematicians. I encourage those whose academic minds quickly grasp the algorithms of formal education to help those who can't quite figure out the system.

We work together to meet the crazy mandates of formal education according to the state. My job is to open the windows of those little minds to see how it makes any sense in the real word.

Only if it makes sense will it be remembered and used in the future. Learning has to fit something in life- If it doesn't a child's mind will easily surrender it-as it should- as meaningless and useless.

Do I teach some liberal acceptance of relationships outside the male-female?
Maybe I do because I still encourage my kids to respect the fact that the little boy in my class with two dads is a human being as is his parents-and we respect all humans whether we like - approve -of them or not.

Do I believe learning should be started early in life?
Of yes, it is a proven statistic that those children who attend pre-school are prepared for education and those who do not fare poorer in the classroom, always playing catch-up.

It is especially critical for those children who come to school as English language learners-if in any way possible to attend early learning centers-otherwise the child needs 3-5 years to learn the language, making elementary school emphasis all about the English language-a huge task for a child.

Over half the teachers in our school district leave teaching by the fifth year. We have a turnover rate which leads to the hiring of over 2,000 teachers a year.

The district has lots of excuses as to why so many teachers leave.
The union does as well. Low pay, high cost of housing-a huge population of second language learners-a city with a constant turnover-leading to feelings of isolation and estrangement.


But anyone who has ever worked in a profession they love knows that people don't leave a job they love unless something happens to change that love-

The newspaper in our town seems to have a strong aversion to the teachers union-and I still remember Ron Brown's accusation of the NEA as a terrorist organization.

When did teachers become the "enemy??"

When did academics become such a threat that the government needs to control the content and the community rallies or rallies not at all-to encompass all teachers in such a negative context??

I really do feel afraid of the direction our collective society moves toward when teachers unions -thus-teachers are attacked and the feeling that public education is a demeaned institution-one not worthy of our children.

These are our schools. Are we so estranged from them we see the institution as the enemy?

Recent studies indicate private and public schools provide the same level of success. Isn't that interesting?
If you check into private schools you will find that most teachers make less money than public school teachers-and ironically, we are all trained in the same academic institutions-no big surprise.


Successful education is a collaboration. We, the teachers know this-and successful education is dependent on us working together with specialists, other grade level teachers-resource and other educators to provide the best educational opportunities possible.

We also know that a major piece of this collaboration is the parent-and the community. School districts reflect the values of the community.

As poor and disenfranchised as my school neighborhood is, it is a walking community-and each day I see parents bring their children to the blacktop to line up for school. I see baby sisters and brothers in strollers-mothers and fathers on bikes-parents who don't speak English but have the desire for their children to learn.

On Open house night 90% of my students parents show up-if a parent can't make it-an aunt or an uncle or an older sister from high school will visit.

By the end of the year I have met with most of them many times, on the playground, on the phone, in meetings, in the classroom.

It has taken effort on my part to reach parents. It is worth every minute I have taken to get to know parents. The benefits for the students are tremendous-with parent support-kids come to school with faith in the teachers-for some parents-it is one of the few positive experiences they have had with a school community.

I am sharing what it is like in one of the poorest school communities in our district.

Have I had problems? Sure-In the five years I have taught school, one child brought his older brother's gun to school unloaded-another made up a hit list with my name on it- another child who has special needs-tried to tear up the classroom one day-

It has not always been easy-I am old enough to understand how complicated the minds and lives of children can be-

What I am mystified by is the community attitude.
If we do not have the support of the political system, our media, the economic base of our community

who suffers?

For what purpose would attacking teachers serve?

Perhaps the editor who is so intent on attacking the public school system, as well as the NEA had such a bad experience in school he continues his attack to obtain some sort of power or satisfaction?

Those who criticize have been taught by those of us who believe critical thinking is essential in a progressive , thoughtful and intelligent society.
We also teach taking responsibility for those criticisms as well.

Learn more.
Get involved.
Find the truth before attacking
Consider all facets of an issue before making decisions

As we tell our students,
make responsible decisions
and then do something about it.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Loneliness-is it solitude???

I am struggling out here in cyberspace. Sure, I could log onto somewhere to connect with others-as if online is a reality?

I can't help but think who I am , although I never really believed I was offensive, is lacking. Since cyberspace is this empty, bottomless void, full of words, like a vortex, I can write just about anything I like and it won't bounce. Kind of an interesting thought.
No reflection. I am not sure that is such a good thing.

I am experiencing about the loneliest time in my life.
I am trying to figure this out. It isn't easy without 1) evaluating my behaviors and wondering if even though my past has been full of people, maybe I didn't choose wisely, or, the world is full of mean manipulative people-that I seem attracted too.

I don't know but I am seeking answers so I can change my behaviors and my perceptions.

Perhaps going over the edge isn't a bad thing. Most of us spend our entire lives staying to themiddleof the road we don't even know what the edge looks like,
and I can tell you the precipice is wide and deep and the only thing I seem to face is myself.

I can't help but wonder at age fifty I will never make love again? God I miss it. Not sex with someone I don't know. That isn't any kind of release, just makes me feel more alone.

The kind of sex I want is knowing every inch of a man's body. Crooked toes and all.
The scent of his sleep. The softness of the skin on the underside of his arm. The knowledge of his body -the kind of knowledge that isn't familiar but curious.

I have made myself busy-too busy to connect with men-and often too busy to connect with others.

I am not sure this is loneliness even though sometimes I feel lonely. This time and space feels more like time to reflect. Some of that choice out of fear of making another mistake again, some trying to step back and look at how I interact with others. I have spent most of my life pleasing others. Ingrained into my psyche. Doormat. Responsible. Dependable. Predictable.

I couldn't say that when I was younger. Always going for the relationship in which I could create the most drama.
As I matured that got old. The message I interpreted was to be easy going. No high maintenance. Understanding and supportive.

Ironic that when I began to behave that way I had a ten year relationship with a man who cheated and lied-but that isn't really the point. The intersting point about our relationship was that I decided to be understadning and loving ANYWAY.

Ironially, he is one of my closest friends.
Who wouldn't want a friend who is reliable and faithful, and not judging.
Doormat.

I don't want this to be the end of passion, love and friendship.
I really don't.
I mourn the loss.
Yet I am not willing to pursue those paths which will provide opportunities, either.

Ah, shit. Ah shit. Bounce that around, cyberspace...

Monday, March 13, 2006

bra desolation...


Breasts feel this way sometimes. Especially when they sit heavy on the rib cage
Did you ever see a woman leaning her folded arms on her breasts? I always thought that was the coolest thing-having breasts as armrests.
I swear, growing up I had no breasts. Just little ones that didn't really need a bra. I think I was thirty when I finally acquired breasts. Right after my daughter's birth-I even took pictures of them while I was nursing because they felt so big.

Still not big enough to park my arms, though.

Still, it's kind of a cool act, don't you think??