Spring-the fickle bitch

The desert doesn't hold a candle to the beauty and scent of the lilac. There is something heady about them. A scent creating a longing like vanilla, apples and cinnamon and fresh baked bread. If you are from the Midwest you know what ई'm saying. Spring is such a fickle visitor with a cruel sense of humor. No one in the Midwest should ever trust her. She breaks your heart every time...

Another Pissed Off Old Lady diatribe

I am going to start dressing my pissed off old lady self in commando garb. This sweet old lady shit is nauseous stereotypical bullshit that we should not have to resort to -to spend our money or receive the services anyone under the age of fifty easily receives as courtesy.

I do not believe sucking up is ever the way to accomplish anything interesting, unique or competent. Why, then, does this seem to be the natural inclination of those with little experience in the world?

Think about it. Our fears since 9-11 have transformed us into a bunch of "get by" cowards. We indoctrinate our children into a mode of never questioning authority and then we have blatant- absurdly blatant abuses of power by our own government. We are so afraid of the "public" meaning "us"such that our avoidance creates isolated, twisted individuals, who can exist in a void -a void we create by ignoring antisocial and bizarre behaviors. We tolerate mediocrity by accepting less than stellar services from our government and private enterprises. We give away our money to huge profiteer oil companies by keeping our mouths shut. We criticize those who question. Is this not one of the scariest times in our history aside from the paranoid Nixon administration?

Get a backbone, my beloved nation, get a backbone and stop this slide into the slimy abyss we have created , devoid of our Constitutional beliefs and all we have fought for.

"The Commander

What a foolish nation we have become.

What once was known as a democracy has become another autocracy, with an even greater disparity between the poor and middle class , and the ultra rich.

Our citizens believe they have no control or say in our country's future. I think I mourn the loss of this more than any other factor. To lose hope in our history, our philosophy and our dreams. How do we restore it?

Newsmedia cowards--shame on you---

Where were you during the last Presidential election? Why weren't you shouting after 9-11? Where were you before the recent scandals and the majority Democratic Party win?

Where were you when Rumsfeld announced people needed to watch what they say? When Education powerbroker Ron Brown called the NEA a "terrorist" group?

Shame on you, cowards. Now is the time to jump on the bandwagon??

I hold you just as much responsible for not getting the news out and hiding behind FOX propaganda-which I couldn't stomach seven years ago.

Media knows as well as I do if the information is limited, it is what people will use to make decisions. Bush, Cheney and Rove know that too.

Only certain events could not be "spinned"-Hurricane Katrina-Weapons of Mass Destruction-our boys dying like Vietnam nightmares of the 60's generation.

We still don't face the truth. Where are the pictures of Lousiana now? Show the world the body bags coming home. Show us the real pictures in Iraq like you did Vietnam. Put it in our faces so we deal with it.

Quit with the mushy gerrymeandering with words.

Show our country the truth-take a chance-restore democracy to us-or at least the illusion that the government is for the people-including the honest depiction of reality in the news.

Do it. For all of us.

Pissed off old lady

Three weeks ago I moved into my new condo. I have no mailbox key. No mail. Maybe it is sitting in the box doing a happy dance. ? The condo association tells me it isn't their business. They claim it is illegal for them to have a key. Against the law, she said. The Post Office claims it isn't a public mailbox. The original owner , at closing. tells the listing agent it was a messy divorce and she does not have mail box key. I call a locksmith. I can have my mailbox re keyed for 70 dollars. I do it.

Mail delivery sure has changed over time. Never had a mailbox key ten years ago. Had a normal mailbox. One that open and shut. I guess people steal a lot more nowadays?

I bought a bed in a box at Wal Mart. I couldn't carry the box into the house-it was too heavy. I took the wood out and carried it in a little at a time. In the process of moving the directions have gotten lost. I e-mailed Wal Mart. Two days later my answer-send us a copy of your receipt, where you bought it, and your name and address.

Fuck.I didn't keep the receipt. I just want a copy of the fucking directions.I went to Mal Mart-tempted to open the box and take the directions.

Went to customer service.

Asked for help.

Paged stock.

Never answered.

Sorry, she said, maybe if you walk back to stock you can find someone to help you.

Walked back to stock. No one could help me.

One guy showed me his name tag, "it says sales-he said. I can't help you.

Do you, readers, know what old lady rage is?

I am 53 years old. Maybe I qualify for old lady rage now.You know, the type of person you see in the store, that lady who is pissed and everyone turns away because they think, "just another old lady bitch.."

As I age I notice I have to work twice as hard to obtain assistance. I am not the cute little size three chic I was in 1980. Or even 1990. I am a middle aged woman who is starting to feel a little pissed at the incompetence out in the world.

My money is good. My service should be just as good.

I received a call from my insurance company on a Saturday night.

Progressive Insurance.

Please call 1800- and enter this number to receive an important message.

I call. "Your driver's license is from another state. Please call to verify.

I call.

Your birth date please.

Your drivers license number

What? I am going to give them more personal information?

I tell them I will look up their number on my policy and call them back.

I find out they have a drivers license number from Florida-where I lived 8 YEARS AGO.They do not have my Nevada license and they have been insuring me in Nevada for eight years.

I have had two accidents(not my fault) they have billed me for eight years. And they don't know why they still have me as a Florida driver.

They ask me-did you change it? I say, yes. I had to. I couldn't keep driving on an out of state license-in Nevada it is against the law and I could be fined.

Where does all this incompetence come from?

I am starting to become one pissed off lady.

A Smile or a laugh

Depression and Anxiety-one helleva cocktail

Next week we begin our State tests. I have this rock in the pit of my stomach. Maybe I have five students who will pass. I hope others can understand enough of it to do adequately but in reality, I am dreaming.

I have known this since the second week of school. Most of the kids reading and math levels were overinflated by last years teachers. My kids didn't know the basics in mathematics and the comprehension levels for reading were very low.

So much rides on this one stupid test and I don't want my kids to worry about it. I don't want them to believe they are failures when they are only eight year old kids. Why do we do this to our children?

I have told them I only want them to do their best work and not worry about it-no one I know has a clue of what they want to do when they are eight. Let them be kids a little longer. They will get all of this eventually-they are smart, just less prepared than they should have been. I also have two more months to keep working with them, and it will be easier with the pressure off .

This year has changed me. I feel bad inside about everything. I feel as if I am letting so many people down. I feel as if I can't keep up and I struggle wih feeling any joy in life.

I cherish feeling peace. I keep drawing further and further away from people. I feel safer at home, as if I don't have contact with the rest of the world I can't screw up.

I don't want to keep living like this. I need to do something to change this trajectory. I miss laughing. I miss feeling passionate about life and my work. I miss relishing each day.

I need to figure a way out of this.