Homelessness Comes Home

I am two weeks from being homeless. My credit is gone. My credit is not only gone but the :fresh start" I attempted not only worsened the situation, it left me with fewer options.
I am an educated person. I am keeping my fingers crossed that a teaching job comes through next week. I don't think I even have enough money to make a move. So I don't know what I am going to do.

You know, when I hit bottom last night there was a peace that came over me.
Because when there are no more answers, the questions become moot. I have to move by the end of the month.
My 17 year old daughter is going to have a baby boy in five months. She graduates from high school in one month. My son is seriously mentally ill .
Yeah I know it sounds like one big messed up family.

The irony is I came from a seriously messed up family. I worked hard to overcome some serious obstacles. I got an education. I paid my bills. I owned homes. I am a responsible worker.

I moved to Las Vegas to help the foster mom who gave me a chance at this life. She believed in me.
I lived with her and her husband for 7 years, caring for them until she died after a long end life of alzheimers.
It was a difficult time. I started gambling. I went into treatment and stopped for a long time.

Then I started again. This time I lost my house. My credit, small as it was, destroyed.
When I moved to Vero Beach it was with the help of a good friend.
My daughter almost died drinking with his girlfriend. She won't admit to feeding my daughter alcohol. Her lie has destroyed the relationship between them and the 20 year friendship I had with her dad.

I could not find a job teaching. I found a temp job. It pays no insurance and holidays are not paid either.
Ironically what I do is help women who are receiving cash assistance get into school , gain marketable skills and get jobs.
But I can't find a job which supports my family.
I am in a house I can't afford the rent. The utilities are impossible. My lease isn't in my name and now I am ruining the credit of another person.

My daughter is growing up. I am so proud of her. She is a strong woman. She deserves better. She could have had an abortion or taken the morning after pill. She has a pretty good idea of what she is choosing. Ironically her choice to not abort her baby has consequences.  This is a small town.Her teachers are very supportive of her. She is facing a great challenge. But we are family and we will make it. She will go to college. Her boyfriend has grown up as well. He starts school in January..  He is looking for work. They are both scared. I think that isn't all bad. But they are taking responsibility for this baby. I am proud of them.

I believe life is like flight. . We only have so much control over our travel in the sky. We can have the best flight plans, but Mother Nature handles the flight and the sky is limitless. Who knows what challenges are ahead?
Death has a destination.
Life, to be lived in awareness, is only a ride in which we are guests.
So our life can soar or dip, wherever the flight takes us. I am hopeful I can control the speed, the pitch and the direction(to some extent) of this ride. The rest is up to the fates.
You know, I have had and lost many of the "things" in life. I pretty much started with nothing.
This point of travel really helps me acknowledge what is most important-
I have a family I love with all my heart. I have the skies, the sunshine and the rain.  I have green all around me and the sound of the ocean. I have a job I love even though I can't pay my bills! I have a new grandson on the way.
Sometimes I think it is easy to forget what real hope is when one has an abundance of "stuff"
I am pretty much freed of the shackles of "stuff" because I am almost out of it! I have a car I would like to keep because I think I can get a job eventually and we will need it.

The rest, I guess, we just have to figure out along the way.